A Season of Growth

We've had lots and lots (and lots) of time to think about where we want to move and what type of house we want. Our only real requirement is that it has a 3-car garage. Other than that, we would probably go to any location that is reasonable. And I very much prefer to NOT live in a tract home. We really want to buy an older home that we can renovate to make our own, but we can't afford to be picky, so when the timing is right, we will take whatever works. At this point, I'll move into a one-bedroom apartment if that's what it takes to get out of this house.

With renovations on the mind, my favorite past-time has become checking out design blogs, watching HGTV and gathering design ideas on Houzz. It is so much fun. Like, I really, really love it, and I so hope we get the chance to renovate something. I don't know if luck will fall in our favor with that, but I can dream in the meantime. Joanna Gaines' style is my favorite (though I'm not quite as obsessed with shiplap as she is), which led me to buy her and Chip's book, The Magnolia Story. I thought it would just be a fluff read for fun. It did start that way. But it turns out, Chip and Jo actually have a story, and not everything was easy for them all the time, even though it would appear that they have a picture-perfect life. If I had thought about it for a second, I would have had the common sense to know that of course they are not perfect because nobody is. But hearing their story was enlightening and very good for me to hear during this season of waiting and waiting and waiting some more.

My mood has been swinging wildly in the last few weeks. After four showings in one day, we have had NO activity on our house in three weeks. The lack of progress toward my goal has made me a real grouch. Luckily, I am married to a saint, who doesn't bite back when I turn into a real you-know-what. He is steady as a rock and has said from day one that everything will work out for us just fine when the timing is right. I wasn't looking for instant gratification with this whole house selling/buying thing, but it's been over four months now, and I am getting impatient...and pretty sad, actually. Dylan, though feeling slightly frustrated by it all, has remained steadfast in his belief that it will work out just the way it is supposed to, in just the right time. 

Sometimes, though, it's tiring to hear all his optimism. I have been pissed, and so I've just wanted to be pissed. So, for a while, I was just pissed. Until suddenly I wasn't anymore. Maybe I just had to get it out of my system. Or maybe it was because of a few things I had read in the Gainses' book over the last week. Joanna talked a lot about thriving vs. surviving, especially during times of pain. She pointed out that people often think they'll be happy once they get to their destination, but as we have all heard, we need to realize the value in the journey. To quote her exactly, "If you can't find happiness in the ugliness, you're not going to find it in the beauty, either."

I've always known that, logically, moving into a new house won't automatically make life perfect forever and ever. No, I've lived long enough to know that life is hard no matter what. Sometimes it's just harder than at other times. But I just really want out of the boonies. Every day I live here and every hour of my life I waste driving somewhere in my car...somewhere that should be 10 minutes away if I lived in a normal place...just makes me crazier and crazier. It's easy to think that once this journey has reached its end that everything will be so much better. But, Joanna is right. This season may be a challenge, but all in all, life is so very good. I have so much to be grateful for, and why not just be happy about it and enjoy it? If I can't get in that mindset, then I will struggle with happiness and wanting more for the rest of my life, no matter how many good things come my way. 

So, I took her words to heart, and it's really made a difference for me. I just needed a little perspective, and I needed to find it by myself, in my own time. This adventure that we're on will turn out to be a real character builder, for sure. This season will come to an end, and then we'll be facing other, different challenges. So why not just find a way to be happy through it all?

Didn't John Lennon say, "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans"? It's anybody's guess how this whole house thing will turn out, but it is in God's hands. It's not up to me, no matter how carefully I have laid out my plans. When it's all said and done, I will know a lot more about patience, resilience, trust in God's timing, and gratefulness. In the meantime, I've got a pretty kick-ass family and a pretty superb life, so I will choose to focus my energy in finding the beauty in that. (On most days, anyway).) I'm not perfect, and I'll have my moments where I get impatient and nasty. After focusing on finding "happiness in the ugliness," though, I've felt a measurable difference, and it's likely that my husband and kids have, too. Thanks, Jo, for all your lovely designs, but mostly for sharing your story. I won't ever be on TV nor will I build an empire from my creative talent, but I do find inspiration in you while I'm on the path of my own life.