The Sign Was a Sign?
We took the kids to a birthday party on Saturday afternoon, and by the time we arrived back home, it was getting dark. For some reason, I noticed as we pulled up to our house that our For Sale sign was missing. It occurred to me in that moment that it had actually been missing for a few days. Since it was dark, I thought that maybe somehow I just missed it. I put the kids to bed and then went back out with the flashlight, and sure enough, it was nowhere to be found. We even drove around the next morning to see if it had been discarded somewhere in the surrounding desert...but, nothing. So strange. We told my brother, who decided to give it a couple of days to see if it turned up, but at this point it's been about a week since it went missing. Our best guess as to what happened is that one of the guys hired to put up and take down signs accidentally took our sign down instead of someone else's.
At first, I didn't think much of it. It's a been a few days, though, since it's gone missing, and I'm wondering if the missing sign is a sign. It's always uplifting to notice signs that God hears you and is on your side...but I'm not so sure that this is a positive sign. I mean, maybe it could be? Maybe it means the house will get sold soon, so we don't need a sign anymore. Or...maybe it means we should stop trying to sell the house. Deep in my gut, I know that moving is the right thing for our family. I said to Dylan the other day that maybe this is so hard and taking so long because God needs us to realize something that we can't currently see. Like, maybe we're supposed to move away from Arizona all together. At another time, I might be on board with this. (I think I'd be much happier in a mountain town where it snows...basically anywhere in Utah, Colorado, Wyoming, Idaho or Montana, or anywhere in the Pacific Northwest, too!) Dylan's job right now is just too good to think about doing something else, though. We've waited way too long for a flying job for him that didn't make us crazy. I can't fathom looking for work for either or both of us in a different state. I don't know. Maybe the missing sign means something else, and we're not supposed to sell this house quite yet. I guess it's all part of the journey to figuring out where we belong and what we should be doing.
I don't know what the missing sign means (yet), if anything. But I did receive another somewhat encouraging sign tonight. Every evening, I empty the dog's water bowl into a plant outside, and tonight I just happened to notice the moon above the mountains in the distance. It was a full moon (or at least almost), and I believe this month is the Harvest Moon or Blood Moon. Or both? Anyhow, it was on the edge of the horizon and it was SO big, and with the sun setting, the sky was pink. It was beautiful. I stopped what I was doing and went to the end of the patio to stare at it for a minute. It got me thinking about how the world is so big and so mysterious and God really is up there looking out for us and wanting us to do good work and be the people he created us to be. Right then, my watch dinged at me for hitting all of my move goals for the day and said, "You did it! You hit your goals!" It was as if God was trying to tell me that I'm starting to figure it out and get my ducks in a row. Like, there's more to life than worrying about this house, and I just need to focus on being my best self and let the rest of it go.
My interpretation of these signs and the perspective that comes with it has come to me with age and experience. Since becoming a mom four years ago, I have been transformed for the better. It has been a critical time in becoming my best self. This past year, which has involved thinking about moving and getting the house ready and putting it on the market and waiting and waiting and waiting has turned into a whole new life lesson that will ultimately improve the person that I am. The journey isn't always easy, but I do appreciate it.
My birthday is in a few weeks, and I have this random inkling that 36 is going to be my best year yet. I don't know why or how, but I feel like all this self-discovery will give me the kick start I need to try something new or overcome a struggle that will just bring relief or joy or fulfillment in my life. I have no concrete reason to believe that anything will change after my birthday, but I keep coming back to the belief that it will for some reason. The logical person in me knows that people tell themselves bogus stuff like this in an attempt to find hope and positivity and control when they're struggling with something. That might be the case, and 36 might suck. But why not hope? If nothing else, it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that would not be a bad thing.
I guess I'm holding out hope for a lot of good things to happen, even though I'm mostly powerless over it all. This could be true of any time of life, though. This past year reminds me of the first time we tried to get pregnant. Actually, we got pregnant right away but had a miscarriage. I was never the type of person that wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl or anything like that, so it didn't ruin me. It was more that I knew I ultimately wanted a family, and I was 30 at the time, so we figured we should start trying before we got too much older. Well, after the miscarriage my body wouldn't cooperate, and we had trouble getting pregnant. I tried to be healthy and do everything I could to get pregnant, but it was mostly out of my control. Since we had decided we wanted to have a baby, it was maddening when after months and months, we weren't seeing any results. It felt like everyone around us was getting (and staying) pregnant, and we were on this lonely island of infertility. Similarly, right now everyone is buying and selling and building houses all around us without any trouble. I really am happy for everyone who is finding success with moving, I just want to be in their club, too. Finally, around October or November of that year, after about 9 or 10 months of trying, I decided that actually we should stop trying to get pregnant and that I didn't want to have a baby anymore. I thought it wasn't meant to be for us, and I told myself to be okay with that. By December, we were pregnant, and we were glad about it. Go figure.
This house thing is an entirely different situation, but it's similar in that we've been waiting months and months for something we want, and we've done everything in our power to get it but with no results so far. The outcome ultimately isn't up to us, and we have no idea on what sort of timeline things will eventually unfold. But, it all worked out for us the last time, and...however they're meant to unfold...things will work out for us again this time.
At first, I didn't think much of it. It's a been a few days, though, since it's gone missing, and I'm wondering if the missing sign is a sign. It's always uplifting to notice signs that God hears you and is on your side...but I'm not so sure that this is a positive sign. I mean, maybe it could be? Maybe it means the house will get sold soon, so we don't need a sign anymore. Or...maybe it means we should stop trying to sell the house. Deep in my gut, I know that moving is the right thing for our family. I said to Dylan the other day that maybe this is so hard and taking so long because God needs us to realize something that we can't currently see. Like, maybe we're supposed to move away from Arizona all together. At another time, I might be on board with this. (I think I'd be much happier in a mountain town where it snows...basically anywhere in Utah, Colorado, Wyoming, Idaho or Montana, or anywhere in the Pacific Northwest, too!) Dylan's job right now is just too good to think about doing something else, though. We've waited way too long for a flying job for him that didn't make us crazy. I can't fathom looking for work for either or both of us in a different state. I don't know. Maybe the missing sign means something else, and we're not supposed to sell this house quite yet. I guess it's all part of the journey to figuring out where we belong and what we should be doing.
I don't know what the missing sign means (yet), if anything. But I did receive another somewhat encouraging sign tonight. Every evening, I empty the dog's water bowl into a plant outside, and tonight I just happened to notice the moon above the mountains in the distance. It was a full moon (or at least almost), and I believe this month is the Harvest Moon or Blood Moon. Or both? Anyhow, it was on the edge of the horizon and it was SO big, and with the sun setting, the sky was pink. It was beautiful. I stopped what I was doing and went to the end of the patio to stare at it for a minute. It got me thinking about how the world is so big and so mysterious and God really is up there looking out for us and wanting us to do good work and be the people he created us to be. Right then, my watch dinged at me for hitting all of my move goals for the day and said, "You did it! You hit your goals!" It was as if God was trying to tell me that I'm starting to figure it out and get my ducks in a row. Like, there's more to life than worrying about this house, and I just need to focus on being my best self and let the rest of it go.
My interpretation of these signs and the perspective that comes with it has come to me with age and experience. Since becoming a mom four years ago, I have been transformed for the better. It has been a critical time in becoming my best self. This past year, which has involved thinking about moving and getting the house ready and putting it on the market and waiting and waiting and waiting has turned into a whole new life lesson that will ultimately improve the person that I am. The journey isn't always easy, but I do appreciate it.
My birthday is in a few weeks, and I have this random inkling that 36 is going to be my best year yet. I don't know why or how, but I feel like all this self-discovery will give me the kick start I need to try something new or overcome a struggle that will just bring relief or joy or fulfillment in my life. I have no concrete reason to believe that anything will change after my birthday, but I keep coming back to the belief that it will for some reason. The logical person in me knows that people tell themselves bogus stuff like this in an attempt to find hope and positivity and control when they're struggling with something. That might be the case, and 36 might suck. But why not hope? If nothing else, it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that would not be a bad thing.
I guess I'm holding out hope for a lot of good things to happen, even though I'm mostly powerless over it all. This could be true of any time of life, though. This past year reminds me of the first time we tried to get pregnant. Actually, we got pregnant right away but had a miscarriage. I was never the type of person that wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl or anything like that, so it didn't ruin me. It was more that I knew I ultimately wanted a family, and I was 30 at the time, so we figured we should start trying before we got too much older. Well, after the miscarriage my body wouldn't cooperate, and we had trouble getting pregnant. I tried to be healthy and do everything I could to get pregnant, but it was mostly out of my control. Since we had decided we wanted to have a baby, it was maddening when after months and months, we weren't seeing any results. It felt like everyone around us was getting (and staying) pregnant, and we were on this lonely island of infertility. Similarly, right now everyone is buying and selling and building houses all around us without any trouble. I really am happy for everyone who is finding success with moving, I just want to be in their club, too. Finally, around October or November of that year, after about 9 or 10 months of trying, I decided that actually we should stop trying to get pregnant and that I didn't want to have a baby anymore. I thought it wasn't meant to be for us, and I told myself to be okay with that. By December, we were pregnant, and we were glad about it. Go figure.
This house thing is an entirely different situation, but it's similar in that we've been waiting months and months for something we want, and we've done everything in our power to get it but with no results so far. The outcome ultimately isn't up to us, and we have no idea on what sort of timeline things will eventually unfold. But, it all worked out for us the last time, and...however they're meant to unfold...things will work out for us again this time.
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